Thursday, July 05, 2007

The Circle of Life Sucks
It finally really hit me on an emotional level yesterday - my dad is dying. I've known this for a while now, but yesterday on my way to visit him at his new home at a hospice facility, it just suddenly seemed very overwhelming. My wife, who just went through this with her mom, had said I'd soon understand what she was going through. I'm thinking I did not need to understand. Yesteday, as I was leaving our house, promising the kids I'd be back soon so we could have 4th of July fun, I felt like I should be taking flowers or pictures or something to make his room more "homey." I was just so sad and felt so helpless. I started crying and soon my son grabbed some paper and Pens, declaring he would make some pictures for me to take. He made a great drawing, and so did our baby girl, and my wife printed out a nice family picture and put it in a frame for me to take. My dad was sleeping when I arrived, and I decorated his room for him - or maybe for me, for my sisters, and for the nursing staff so they will know he has family that loves him. It's weird thinking how I'll be bringing those things home in less than a month, maybe within a week. Hard to know with these things. Anyway, I've not been that close with my dad since I was a kid, but still, this sucks.

15 comments:

Quirky said...

Our parents are our parents, and I think even if we weren't/aren't close to them, it's hard to see them go.

I'm sending good and peaceful vibes your way.

PT-LawMom said...

I'm so sad for you. (((HUGS))) My grandfather just went through hospice. We printed out pictures on 8x10" paper and taped them to the wall next to and in front of his bed. He said they brought him a lot of comfort. I hope he passes quickly and peacefully and that you all are able to say anything else that needs to be said before that time.

nikk said...

Dakota,
My heart is with you as you send your Dad off on his next journey.

patti_cake said...

I am so sorry Dakota. So very sorry. It sucks that you and Casey both have to deal with this in such a short time span.

"for him - or maybe for me, for my sisters, and for the nursing staff so they will know he has family that loves him"

that moved me to tears.

Seasonal said...

I'm so sorry to hear your father is getting near the end of this journey. I can't imagine how difficult this must be for you and for Casey as well. (Hugs).

Sonya said...

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. It has got to be a hard place to be in.

Anonymous said...

Dakota-

I am so very sorry. My heart breaks for you and Casey that you have had to deal with so much. You both seem like such a wonderful couple and I know you have great kids. I hope that you find peace and comfort in your little ones. I also hope that you have some good moments with your dad before he goes. God bless.

Heidi

Brenda said...

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You and Casey have had a tough emotional time lately. First with her mom and now your dad. My thoughts are with you.

Lynilu said...

Dakota, I'm over from Casey's blog, just to say I'm keeping you in my heart and my meditations. I'm so sorry you must go through this, and I know that long-distance support is minimally helpful, but I hope you know also that I understand your situation all too well. My hub left a little over 1-1/2 yr ago with the same. You're so right ... it totally sucks. I hope you will feel cyber-hugs from me. :')

yankeegirl said...

Yes Dakota- close or not, it's never a good time to lose a parent. Lost my dad suddenly ( but not unexpected) and 3 yrs and 1 day later lost my Mom to lung cancer ( a big surprise). 12 days from diagnosis till she was gone. I remember well taking all the pictures off her mantle to decorate her hospital room. It helped us and I hope it will help you too. (((hugs)))

juj said...

My prayers are with you and your family.

I lost my father 7 years ago.

SassyFemme said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

Chris said...

I'm very sorry to hear about your Dad.

I constantly regret the things I didn't tell my family members before they died, because I thought it would be too hard, it wouldn't make a difference, whatever. But it does. So take some time to tell your dad what you need to - it will help in the long run.

My best wishes for you and your family.

Shannon said...

I'm here through Casey's blog. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Holly said...

We are so sorry that you and your family are having to go through this right now. We are sending as many hugs and as much peace as we can.