Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Baby Girl is Fine!

We are still awaiting official word tomorrow from the doc, but the echocardiogram technician said she did not see anything abnormal at all. That is exactly what the doc was expecting. So, we are breathing very heavy sighs of relief and thanking God that our baby is healthy!

Thank you for your prayers and well wishes. This parenting thing is stressful!

Monday, February 27, 2006

The L Word Commentary

It's been quite some time since I mentioned The L Word, but trust me, it is not due to lack of interest. My partner and I eagerly anticipate and enjoy every quirky, dramatic and sexy moment of each delicious episode. As I have mentioned before, what's not to love? Great stories, wonderful acting, and hot women. One caveat to the "wonderful acting" comment - that applies to when they leave the acting to the actors and not to the celebrity guests. Let's just say the powers that be have proven their point of why we should let actors act and not hire someone to play a part just because she is a "real lesbian." I'd way rather watch a straight actor convincingly play a lesbian, than witness the pain of a celebrity lesbian non-actor trying to act, and then the real actors trying to respond. Ouch. Not fun for anyone.

That was not my point today. Here is my point:

Shane, babe, I feel your pain. I too have been in the position of being "in the sh*thouse", to quote your phrase, because of a dream my partner had. In fact, there was a time that I believe I'd established residency. I've definitely been in hot water a time or two for my behavior in my partner's dream, and no amount of denying that I'd done anything was going to get me out of the trouble I was in. Women! However, unlike your situation, I did not bring on the trouble by my own indiscretion. You knew you were going to have to pay for that amazing night out by the pool, right?

Gotta love that The L Word writers often bring in these amazing, strange bits of life and relationships so their viewers can really relate. Even though on some levels, the show is not realistic, on others, it is so much like real life, none of us would be surprised to find Shane and Alice having a drink at the local coffee house while Bette and Tina have an almost discreet argument outside. Characters can often be as "out there" on some level as a writer wants, as long as they have a few characteristics that keep them grounded and relatable.

Oh, and apparently last night's episode reminded the wife that I've not done anything bad in her dreams lately. I was able to recify that situation last night.
I suspect the dog will need to scoot over to make room for me tonight.
OK, so where's the camera?

This is one of those "punk'd" things right? By "this" I mean, my life. Or really, "our lives" meaning my partner's and mine, but again, my blog, so I'll try to avoid the appearance of schizophrenia (see previous blog) and write in the first person.

Last week we had to take baby girl to the cardiologist because the doc detected a heard murmur. OK, kinda scary, but murmurs happen and are generally no big deal. Doc says, these appear to be two (yes, not just one, but two) classic innocent infant murmurs. Seems good so far, then it comes....BUT...(wait, there was not supposed to be a BUT)....the EKG indicates that the left side of her heart is larger than the right. She'll need an ultrasound to measure everything and rule out any problems. What? No! Doc says she feels confident this is nothing to worry about, but has to check just to be sure. Great, so now, we've spent the last 3 days not talking much about it while visions of worst-possible scenarios wind through our imaginations. (Again, slipped out of first person.) The test is Tuesday, but no one will talk to us about it until the next day, when hopefully it will be a simple, "no problem" phone call. What I am afraid of is the phone call that says we really need to come in to talk to the doc. Doc was so confident this is nothing that she did not even want to schedule a follow-up appointment since there would be no reason. Wish we'd just scheduled one right after the ultrasound so we'd have an answer right away. This is all too scary. Now, the fact that our daughter has always panted a bit when nursing and after activity suddenly seems not just like an odd quirk that her brother did not have, but instead a SIGN that something is horribly wrong. As my partner pointed out, she has always seemed so strong and healthy, this could not be anything serious. OK, I'll cling to that hope. Please God, let this be nothing.

That's enough to worry about, especially on top of general stress in the family and relationship because of my school schedule, oh, and then there is school itself, but then we get a call from Western Union last night saying someone overseas is trying to use one of my credit cards. Ends up this someone has not only my credit card number, but also the three digit code from the back of the card, and my previous two addresses going back about 10 years. Fortunately, the criminal did not have my current address, or the whole thing might never have appeared suspicious. Card has been cancelled and we only have to have an affidavit notarized disclaiming under $150 of charges, but we wonder if this person has gotten access to any other of our cards, or opened up new ones in my name with my ssn. Guess I have to have my credit reports pulled and see if there is anything suspicious on them. Great. Yes, I wanted one more thing to have to deal with right now. How the heck am I supposed to calm my mind enough to focus on writing the appellate brief that is due in a month? Sure, I sort of managed an outline, but that did not consist of ....oh...what is the term...."sentences"? TRAC? What is that? Crap.

OK, everything is going to be fine. We're going to pull out of this quarter in wonderful shape all around, and then we are going to Disneyland!

Seriously. We've booked the trip.


Thursday, February 23, 2006

Law School is Making Me Schizophrenic

(Or, as we discussed in Torts, is it really just bringing out a condition that would have eventually appeared anyway? Probably no matter since I signed up and paid the tuition, something tells me there will be no recovery on my part anyway.)

First, I will say, yes, I've been away for a while....sick kids, lots of school work to do, still am not where I'd like to be, but my head is above water, barely.

So, it feels like I have these three different lives, and sometimes I am able to happily function in all three independenly. That's when life is easiest. Other times, they insist on trying to co-mingle, and that's when it gets trickly. I've got my work and school personality. Confident, easy-going, low-stress, do what I need to do and move on. Personal life - more stressful since there is not enough time for wife and kids, they don't get what I do in school or what it's like (they could say the same about me, but this is my blog, so I get to say it), lots of rushing around, too much yelling, some very sweet times and laughter. Fantasy life - that's where I can go in my head where everything works according to my own script. I have all the time to do anything and everything I want to do. Money is not an issue. There are other elements to this I'll just leave to the reader's imagination, rather, MINE :).

Lately, I'd say the schizophrenia is being mainly caused by trying to maintain my personal life and my school life at the same time. The two are NOT playing nicely together. School me wants to learn all the stuff I need to learn, do all my homework, work on my outlines and read some supplemental materials so that I can make sense of Torts, where the professor seems to have stopped speaking English. Personal me needs to be with my kids who are missing me terribly and spend some time with and give a break to my wife, who is rapidly losing her mind due to being on-duty day and night with the little ones. (Try having your main source of conversation and daily interaction being a not-quite-four-year-old. Our son is very intelligent, but as I have to remember, preschool logic is not that of an adult, or even a 7-year-old. For instance, if a person was trying to pour water, or juice, from one container into another, and the receiving container started overflowing before the providing container was empty, one might expect that the pouring should stop. Not if you are a preschooler, evidently. Preschool logic dictates that pouring should not stop until the providing container has been emtpied of its contents. OK, then.)

All right, this was really started on Thursday and should have been posted then. It is now Monday morning. It's been a strange and stressful few days. I'm just going to call this good.

Happy Monday, folks.

Friday, February 03, 2006

The Guilt of an Evening Student

OK, so you want a taste of my life? Here's my partner's blog today (easily accessible over on the right):
...We have done 15 trillion activities but nothing for more than 5 minutes at a time. Let me tell you - that's a LOT of cleaning up and putting away.

I'm frustrated. I'm tired. I'm lonely (which is odd since I don't have 10 seconds to myself). I'm tired of hearing "MAMA!" screamed at me. I'm tired of hearing "I want a snack!" "MAAAAAMAAAAAA....you HAVE to!" "MAAAMAAAAAA....Come HERE!"

I'm tired of saying "Come here if you want to speak with me." "You just ate breakfast/lunch. You can have a snack in a couple hours." "Actually, I don't HAVE to do anything. I'm the parent."

And I'm so over the whining today. The fussing. The tears.

Have I mentioned lately that I haven't had a child-free moment to myself in weeks and weeks? Good thing nap time is coming.
What am I to do with this? Being a typical "man" (yes, I am a woman, but have been told that I often behave in a relationship as a man would), I want to solve this problem. Being a woman, I get to feel really guilty about it. I did "get us into this." In reality, there is nothing I can do. I am already more behind in class than I'd like. By that, I only mean that I am keeping up with the reading, but had no time for extras, and have not looked at the draft of my paper that needs lots of polish before Tuesday. I do not have time to come home and do chores, fix things, clean things, give my wife a break. I'd love to give her a break, but the reality is, if I do not devote tomorrow to school work, I will fall painfully behind. Sunday? Yes, on Sunday I can relieve her for a couple hours. Maybe it's time she take that night at The Heathman Lodge.

I know my wife balances her love of our children and her good fortune at being able to stay home with them with the need for a break and some time to herself.

I balance my desire/need for a law education with my responsibilities to my family now. Neither is a particularly enviable position.

Maybe if the sun would come out, this day would look brighter. Can you say Seasonal Affective Disorder?

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Thanks to all

I just wanted to say thank you to all of my classmates, friends and complete strangers who have expressed their sympathy and support over our daughter's frightening event last week. Thank God, all remains normal at our house, and we pray this was a one-time occurence. We still do not know for sure what happened. We've discovered some babies have sort of a syndrome of a reflex of holding their breath when a shock or trauma happens. Hmmmm "holding their breath" sounds so voluntary and like something you would see happening and could stop it....it's not like that. It's more like they just stop breathing. Well, as I said, we don't know, and don't want it to happen again in order to find out.

Mieke, who recently commented on this blog, in case you ever drop by again, I wanted to wish you luck getting into law school. You have to believe, whether or not you get in, that things will work out the way they are meant to. I am in an evening progam with mostly over 30-somethings, and a majority of us have kids. Yes, I believe in many ways those of us with little kids have it harder than those without kids. In addition to worrying about school work, and for most of us, a full-time day job, we're worried about our kids, and feeling guilty, on some level, that we are not with them. We know what we are doing is best for the family in the long run, but on a day-to-day basis, it can be hard to face. If you get in, and going to law school is what you want and need to do, you will make it work. You'll find creative ways of connecting with your kids, and the time you do spend with them will be so precious. Good luck!

A good topic - the ways having a family while in law school can be the most difficult part. This would have been so much easier to do as an early-to-mid twenty-something with no real responsibilities or commitments, yet. How stupid was I? Hey - think I'll wait until I'm almost forty, married and have two kids. That will be easier! Guess I'm not smart enough for the day program, right Hadas? Thank God for the "dumbed down" evening program. (For those not recognizing it, this last part has been sarcasm. Look it up.) When it all comes down to it, we've all got our own challenges to face, no matter where we are in life, or what our circumstances. Guess we all just need to remember that and pass out a few words of support or a smile to fellow classmates whenever we can. Who knows, it won't hurt us, and we might even make someone's day a little brighter.

Don't know how I ended up there. I better get to work!