Saturday, February 26, 2011

A Year's Time

It is sometimes difficult to know how much personal stuff to share and how much to keep to myself. Anniversaries are always a good time for self-reflection and, in between being sick and busy with life, I have been trying to take some time for that activity.  It has been a year and three months since my break-up with Casey, about a year since another tough situation in my life was concluding, and almost a year since Vicki and I got together.  Wow - a year - how did that happen?! It has been an amazing, full year - exciting and fun in many ways, such as travel and expanding friendships - and heartbreaking and scary in others - breaking apart my marriage, living through what that has done to the kids, having my job go part-time.

On the tests that measure stress by life events - I am way into the health danger zone.  Mostly I cope well - and much of my stress is "good stress," but still, sometimes, I would like for life to slow down so I can catch my breath.  I am learning to meditate, exercise more, and eat better.  I am building a relationship using the lessons I learned from the past - unwilling to make the same mistakes again.  I do the best I can as a mom - working to fit in fun, and discipline and life lessons all in the limited time I have with the kids.  Really, I get a fair amount of quality time with them - maybe more than a lot of working parents. When I am with them, I am generally actually engaged with them, or at least being with them watching tv, or sitting side by side gaming or doing artwork.  I do some chores with them - but not much beyond dishes and laundry - and sometimes other cleaning. So, our time together is well spent.  For that, I am grateful.

I try to be the best ex-partner I can. Casey and I get along well.  We still don't see eye-to-eye on some things, but are good at putting the kids needs first and realizing most of what we don't agree on isn't something we have to resolve.  We have both met people and heard stories of people behaving badly with one another and their children after a breakup that I think we are !both thrilled that the other is a reasonable person and not a selfish crazy person unable to see how their actions affect others.  Thanks for not being crazy, Casey!

I see I am rambling, and I realize I am tired.  It has been a wonderful year for growth and realizations and figuring out who I am outside of a long-term marriage and outside of being a law student. I have not done everything perfectly, of course, but done my best at the time.  That's all any of us can do, and what I will continue doing.


Lynilu said...

Mmmm, rambling, perhaps, but nice rambling. I'm glad you and Casey have a good relationship. My daughter's husband seems to be doing everything he can to hurt, anger and embarrass her, I'm guessing to make the break "easier." It's not uncommon, I guess, but certainly not healthy for either of them. I think you two have done and are doing a good job for your kids.

As for the stress .... even good stress takes a toll. It may take another year before you are fully settled into your job and the new home, so be consistent for your health's sake. I hope you find peace through your life soon. :)

Mimi said...

I agree with Lynilu.....I am glad you and casey are on good terms when it comes to the kids....I was not like that and I can take most of the ex left me for someone else and I WAS NOT going to make it easy for of today we still do not speak (broke up in 1986) my daughter has nothing to do with her father and I pray it wasnt any of my doing I never spoke bad of him in front of the kids however again I never made it easy for him.....all stress is bad good or hang in there....I feel in my heart everything happens for a reason.....I have been remarried for 23 years and I am really happy and so are my daughter changed her name once she turned 18 and her children ADORE their papaw.....they have never seen their bio papaw.....again every happens for a reason....