Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Contemplations on Regret

I seem to be on a bit of a blogging roll, so feel compelled to stay with it, at least for a bit. Tonight I have been contemplating regret. I try to live a life without regret, but let's face it, we all do things we wish we had not done, or had done differently. I am no exception. I am thankful that there are very few things I truly wish I could go back and undo.

I am divorced, but I would not go back and not marry Casey. We had a good marriage for a long time. Maybe I would do things differently so they did not fall apart - but maybe it would not have mattered. Maybe our time together was destined to end so we could move on and experience other things in life. I regret how things ended, but not that they ever began.

I have lost years to complacency in jobs - before law school. Regret? Maybe a bit, but not much. I was living life and was satisfied. Could I have done more, been more career -oriented, sure. Would there have been value in that? Tough to say.

I could have made more of an effort to know my dad better. I did the best I knew how at the time but in hindsight, could have tried harder. I guess those parent- child relationships can be tricky to navigate no matter your age.

I lost a good friend to poor judgment in a time of turmoil. That's a big one. Short-sighted mistake with long- term consequences. On the other hand, maybe there are no mistakes. That path put me in direct alignment with so much that is good and beautiful in my life right now. Maybe there is a balance there. Without pain can we recognize pleasure? Without ugliness can we appreciate beauty?

I cannot undo the few regrets I have, but I can strive to live each day as true to my own ethics, ideals and passions as possible so that even when things don't turn out as I hope, I will know I did my best.


Lynilu said...

I would imagine every person has some regrets, varying in size and numbers. Your last sentence says it all. I wish more could see it that way.

Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you didn't list the regret of leaving two very young children with a mom that has no income. Children you agreed to create, and now barely see.

Dakota said...

I can tell you do not know much about our situation. If you are someone important to either of us, feel free to step out from behind your cloak of anonymity, and ask for the truth.

Dakota said...

Lynilu - thanks!

Anysia Derora said...

This is very well said! Thanks for sharing your contemplations. I'm glad your on a "blogging roll"! :-)

Casey said...

Interesting and thought provoking post. I would not go back and not have married you either. Look at all we have because we did have our life together.

Anonymous: You should bitter for, I am guessing, reasons that are your own. Not that we own you an explaination however, Dakota is very involved in the lives of the children and she is taking exceptional care of them financially until I can finally land a job to call my own.

We are both happily moving forward and I wish us both great happiness.

Casey said...

Oops. Proof reading would be good. That should have read "You *sound* bitter...".

Need more coffee. :)