How I Got Through Law School

The following is a VERY LONG POST intended for potential law students or current law students struggling through life as a "non-traditional" student and wondering how I managed.

I often get email asking for my advice. A recent reader sent me a whole list of questions, and I have answered them personally, but wanted to post them, too. Maybe someone will find them useful, or at the very least, not a terrible way to kill ten minutes. (Yes, ten - I told you it was a long post!)

First - for anyone with who is a partner of a law student, or law-student-wanna-be, be sure to check out my partner's blog, especially the archives - 2005 was my first year of law school from her perspective. (You will appreciate my sections below about how much it sucks to be a partner of a law student!)

Now, here is some of my best advice for making it through law school with a partner, and/or kids, and/or a full-time job:


First - mostly B's is totally good. At my school, the curve is forced that way. Period. You will get some A's, some C's, mostly B's. There are exceptions. Mostly, those of us working, and/or with kids, will not be among the exceptions. Once you can accept that, you will feel better. You are a non-traditional student and have to accept a different level of competence than you would have if you were not in your current situation. Even if you only have a partner to deal with, and are in your mid-30's, you are "non-traditional." You probably have more responsibilities than your 20-something classmates. You are now swimming in a pond of really freaking smart fish, and you may not be among the fastest of your peers. I was not. I always used to be before law school. It sucks, but is one of those things that I had to learn to accept. I had no energy to worry about it. I could only do my best....and school was only one of the balls I had in the air.



You do have an option. You can quit after your first year if you really think you will not want a career for which having a JD will help. You are probably already in debt, but it gets SO MUCH WORSE with every passing year, and lawyers do not make as much as people think. Still, I am glad I went. I loved the challenge. I know the JD will open doors for me. It will work out in the long run. I have to believe that. You must decide that for yourself. Really talk to other lawyers about their lives and careers. Most are very happy to talk to students about what they do and how they got there. Take some time to decide if this is best for you. Always believe you have choices in life.

OK. How did I do it?

1) I looked at the commitments I made as if there were no choice but to follow through with all of them. (Funny since I just told you to always believe you have choices! True, but I chose to follow through with my commitments and plans.)

I had my family. Sundays were for them. Period. No homework that day. I talked to my partner and my kids on the phone everyday, usually a few times a day.

I had certain hours I worked. I went to work. I did my job. The family needed money to live on - I was earning it. No choice. Then I had to go to class and pay attention. Not blog, not surf, just pay attention - take notes - participate when I wasn't completely lost or brain dead. I often felt as if I was both. Still....all I could do was my best under the circumstances.

Having ALL of my time so committed in some ways made my routine very easy. There were no choices to be made. I couldn't go have a drink after class. I didn't have time for law review. Some of that sucked a lot. I often wanted my biggest worry to be about where I was going drinking on Friday night, like some of my classmates, but that was not the path I'd chosen. I'd done that 15 years earlier.

2) I figured that homework was not optional. The assignments were not suggestions. They were what I had paid a huge amount of money to get to do to learn what I needed to learn. Did it help me during class? Sometimes. Did it help me during exams? Sometimes. Did it help me to learn the language of lawyers, how to think like a lawyer, help me to immerse myself in this odd culture of the law? Definitely. Indoctrination is part of the game.


How did I find the energy?

1) Sometimes it was very hard. During first year, I often took 15 minute naps in my car between work and school. I ate too much sugar and drank too much caffeine.

2) In my last year, I learned to regularly take walks, eat better, and pop a packet of Emergen-C in a bottle of water instead of opening a can of Coke.

3) A friend of mine really got involved in raw foods. She swears that is what helped her get through it all. It was probably an excellent idea. Her fruit smoothies definitely were better for her in the middle of class than my chocolate chip cookies.

How did I make my relationship last?

1) I am not sure. My first year was complete hell on our relationship. We fought a lot over I don't even know what. Mostly I had left her pretty much to be a single mom with a 6-month-old and a 3-year-old. She still expected me to pick up my share of the household duties. I couldn't do that and go to school and work. She had too much to do, and so did I. Neither of us was well-prepared for what that meant emotionally, nor did we have the outside support that some have. We had some family that occasionally helped with the kids. It was not nearly enough. So, we fought, we took out our frustrations on each other. To make up for the hell, we went to Disneyland twice during the summer after first year and really reconnected.

2) Everyone says once you have kids, make sure you still make time for each other. Have date nights, whatever. Same goes for law school. Make dates with each other. Keep them. Talk about law school AND other things in life. Your partner does not know what you are going through and really cannot relate, but remember, you also cannot relate to what she is going through. You have to both try to share what you are going through without getting defensive. It is really hard. I'm still not very good at it.

3) Being a partner of a law student sucks. They (you know - THEM) are teaching us to be even more difficult, argumentative and arrogant than we likely already were. So, not only are we difficult and stressed out, but we cannot make our partners the number one priority in our lives, even if we want to, even if they deserve it. To get through school, something's gotta give, and unfortunately, it is often the time you spend with your partner. Be sure to carve out some time for her each week. Make your partner a priority - but if she insists on being your top priority all the time - it just won't work.


4) Law school does a number on your self-esteem. Most of us are used to being at the top of our class. Most of us are suddenly forced into mediocrity. Our writing that has been our strength is suddenly crap. We are tested in a high stress situation that doesn't necessarily reflect what we've learned - do your best in three hours and here is your grade for the entire 16 weeks of work. All of that, plus add that most of us are wondering if the loans will be worth it and what we will really do when we get out. All of that forces us to be....well....probably not the best partners. Keep that in mind. It is easy to blame the other person for your own short-comings. Arguing and feeling guilty are distracting, but everyone has distractions. I sometimes think if I'd not been dealing with family stuff, my grades would have been higher. Maybe, but that is not where I am in life.

5) We had already been married for 11 years when I entered law school. We had two little kids. That is a lot to walk away from. So, that solid foundation was strong enough to last even through the big fights.

6) It really does get better after the first year. The first year of law school weeds out those that really want to be there and can handle it from those who don't or can't. It probably also weeds out the relationships that can't handle the really tough times. I know at least one guy from my "pod" of 40 that divorced after first year.

7) Sometimes - do something fun and spontaneous, and forget school for a day or two. Take your partner on a surprise trip somewhere. Go to a concert. Anything. Enjoy each other. Then get right back on track with your school work so you don't fall behind.

How did I mentally manage it all?

1) Sometimes I didn't.

2) Sometimes I fought with my partner. Sometimes I wanted to run away from it all. Sometimes I said things I shouldn't say. Later, I apologized.

3) Sometimes, I called on an old friend to let her know I was drowning, and she'd throw me a lifeline. Keep in touch with your friends, especially those outside of law school. They are at least insane in a totally different way than your law school friends.

4) I blogged. I came up with creative summer projects that had nothing to do with the law. I found I need to be creative to balance out the intense academic demands.

5) Seek Balance. Everyone tells us that. What the heck does it mean? For me, it meant trying to be really present with what I was doing at that moment - playing with my kids, doing my work, studying, whatever. It also meant making time for work and for fun. There has to be some fun to keep you going. Some things had to be given up - like dusting or spending time with "have to" friends or family. There was only time for really important stuff. It meant some semi-important stuff had to be let go. Really unimportant stuff - gone! You hope you can go back and pick up the stuff you didn't want to let go, but had to, like maybe a hobby. In a few years, maybe you'll be interested and have time for it - but for now, prioritization is important.

6) I wanted to drink. I rarely did. Law school with all the wine and beer receptions and luncheons sets us up to drink too much. Be careful. Drunk people do not make good first impressions.


How can I improve my test-taking skills?

1) I never signed up for BarBri before the bar exam. Given how useful their bar course was, I probably should have, plus it would have locked in a lower bar review course price. I think that using their study guides might be useful. Many of us during bar review said we wished we'd had some of the tips we were learning then during law school, particularly those surrounding essay questions.

2) Talk to professors. They want to help us learn. Look at where you could have improved your exam grades. If your school offers resources, take advantage of them. (I never did any of this, nor did I ever feel that I had time to go back and look at what I'd done. That would have meant taking time away from family or from the current homework. Seems like I could never get off the ride long enough to adjust my safety gear. Might it have helped my overall GPA? Maybe.)

3) Some things that are so foreign now just get easier and there is no way to learn it without simply doing it. We learn by doing and by being immersed in the culture.


What suggestions do I have for not losing it mentally?

1) Just after the bar doesn't seem like a great time to answer that as I am not sure that I did not lose it! Bar aside, though, for keeping the course during law school -

2) Go back up to the answers under "how did I mentally manage it all."

3) Talk to your friends. Talk to your partner. Talk to your classmates. They are going through much of the same crap you are going through. It's just that most of us don't talk about it. We all want people to think we've got it all together. Or maybe we just don't even have the time to wonder if our classmates are feeling the same way. They are. I accidentally stumbled upon this enough times to know that if I was going through it, so were others. During our first year, we were all fighting with our partners. Find out - then you can all laugh -or cry - about it together.


That's it!

I certainly did not do everything right, nor was I a huge academic success. I was a good student, I learned, I passed, I freaking graduated!

Would it have been easier without a job, a wife, kids, all of the trappings of adulthood? Certainly. Can it be done with all of these elements? Absolutely.

Three Class Days Left!

What a fun and weird place to be. I have three class days left of law school - two next week and one the following week. It is very exciting and in some ways, things are going too fast to take time to consider. First, I study like crazy to figure out what it is I am supposed to know for the three classes for which I have finals, then I get finals out of the way, have about a week off, go through graduation, then start bar review. Bar review will be long and hard and tedious and frustrating because it has so little to do with anything I want to do with my life (other than passing the bar!)- yet - it is a ritual, and a requirement - and part of the whole law school experience. At the end of July, it will all be over. Weird to finally be here.

Despite not having a new job to go to yet, I feel strangely positive that all will work out well. In my current job, I can go down to half time during bar review, which means I can still work, and not be stressed about trying to learn a new job. It is comfortable and that will be good during the stress of the next few months. In that time, I'll keep up my networking, watching for things in my field of interest, and remain positive that I will end up in a good place that will move my career along on the path that I want to be traveling.

Best of luck to all of you who find yourselves similarly situated! We've almost done it!

Tired of School

I'm actually coping better than many of my classmates, but can I just say it here - I am done. Not really, of course, but I am feeling done with the full-time job, going to school, then going home to mostly not see my family because they are sleeping, and then doing it all again. Don't get me wrong. I am actually mostly enjoying my classes. I wish I could get paid to go to them instead of the other way around.

I miss my family. They miss me. I want to be around each night to put the kids to bed and then watch TV with my wife. All the new shows are starting and law school is definitely going to interfere with the new season. Yes, I know, TV is mostly mindless entertainment. THAT is the point. I LIKE mindless entertainment.

We watched Grey's Anatomy last night. I got to talk to my co-workers about it today. That was fun. I want to see what everyone is talking about the next day - and I hope that soon it will have nothing to do with Sarah Palin. It can be sex, drugs, money, how to get unlocked cell phones, fast cars, fast women, family drama, silly fun - I like it all!

I am looking forward to family fun this weekend. I don't know quite what that will look like, but I do know there is still homework tomorrow. How fast can I read (and comprehend) 100 pages?

Happy Weekend, Friends!

Graduation - Not Mine

This morning I clicked on the video link to my law school's graduation, held this past weekend. The music was not recognizable, nor were most of the faces. Still, watching everyone march in, proudly wearing their caps and gowns, full of smiles and relief made me cry. I was struck by the huge significance of this event for all these people, many of whom were my day-student classmates (day program is three years, evening is four, but we attend some classes together). I was struck by the huge significance this will have for me and my family next year. It symbolizes four years of sacrifice and hard work, huge loans, and the start of a new career. In many ways, it is the passage from one life into another.

Next year, at this time, instead of tending my garden with the kids and hoping I am getting as good of a workout as if I'd trained on ellipticals, I will have just graduated and will be stressing about taking the bar. There probably won't even be time for gardening. Oh, surely I will be able to at least put in some beans, tomatoes and a few flowers, right? Especially with the help of my little Gardener Girl/Princess/Ballerina :)

Strange to consider. One more year. One more year. In one more year I will be the proud bearer of a Juris Doctorate degree. One more year. We can do this.

More Tips for First-Year Law Students

You asked for it, you got it! More tips from the morning brain of Law School Mama! (I am feeling very super-hero-ey today: I got a call last night informing me that I'd been awarded a very nice scholarship! Yeah, me!)

My last coverage of this issue featured 5 quick tips. Let's see if I can come up with 5 more:

1) Really listen and pay attention in class. I know that seems obvious, but you will be so surprised by how many folks are surfing the net, playing games, IM-ing and doing email. This is especially true after your first year. Try not to get sucked into this. I've seen people really scramble to catch up once they realized they were half-way through the semester and hadn't really been paying attention. Some profs make sure their finals follow what they talked about very closely, so listen!

2) Nothing is a substitute for reading a case, but if you find yourself really lost, or really behind, go to Lexis or Westlaw and read the case summary. (You probably will not get access for the first month of law school.) This will at least tell you what you should be getting out of the case. Then go back and read it and see if it makes more sense, or at least skim enough so you know the basics and where to find key facts. For me, this is sort of like reading a kid's version of Shakespeare before the real thing so you know what's being said.

3) If your prof tells you HOW they want to to take notes, do problems, prepare for X, do it. Again, should be obvious. I've been in classes where people did not, and it was obvious to the prof, and to everyone else. You will learn so much more if you take the prof's advice. Sure, if the suggestions are far too time-consuming, you may have to figure out your own shortcuts, but try it the recommended way at least for a couple weeks. You may find there is value in the process.

4) Computer vs handwritten notes? Those who are experts in learning say that taking handwritten notes and later transcribing them into your computer is the best way to learn the material. You force yourself to review and process what you learned by taking the time to do it this way. As a night student who works days, there is no way I could ever find the time to do this. I take notes on my laptop during class. During my first year, we started out with about 80% taking notes on their computers, but after the first set of finals, we were probably down to 50%. I would say most of the decline was due to disappointing grade on finals. Taking away the temptation of games and surfing was the solution for some, and others got the news about handwriting and transcribing being better for learning.

5) Think of others. Help out other students when you can (within your school's honor code, of course). Remember to talk to your partner/spouse/husband/wife about her/his life. It's not all about you. Talk about things in your life besides law school. Keep in touch with your friends that are not part of your law school life. Don't push people away by being an annoying law school geek. So you can argue well, and your logic is flawless. That won't win you points with your partner or your friends. Law school is not everything - keep some balance and perspective in your life.

Good luck and have fun. Seriously. Some people complain that law school is hard and terrible and no fun. Really? How hard did you work to get in? You wanted this. You are paying for this. It's what you wanted. It should be fun! Make it fun. As someone who had been out of school for a long time, I actually think this is fun and a privilege. Not everyone that wishes to go to law school is admitted. Enjoy this opportunity you have been granted.

Cell Phone Etiquette
aka: C'mon People!

Yes, I am older than many students at my school.

Yes, I remember a time before cell phones.

Yes, my parents taught me to respect other people.

It may be that I am unique because of these things, but I could not be the only person that does not want to hear people's private conversations in a public location. (Especially if they aren't particularly interesting.) I was in our student lounge area a couple evenings ago, eating dinner and reading some material for class. It was quite late and there were only a few people in the relatively large space, but since most of the seating is close together, privacy is a mere illusion.

A fellow classmate (I assume he belonged there anyway, though his behavior made me question his maturity) received a call on his cell phone. He was obviously upset and proceeded to engage in a fight with a significant other. About every other LOUD word was "F**k" and the repetition of some unkind phrase that the other person had apparently used on him and he was now using as a weapon. I learned that what he does is no longer any of the other person's business. It appeared that it was MINE though, since I was hearing all about it. I thought when it became obvious that this was going to be a lengthy and personal discussion, he would leave the public area. I thought this person would probably not want another person who might someday be a professional colleague, to hear the details of his personal life or his foul language. I was wrong.

I considered leaving, since he was disrupting my reading, but also didn't think I should be the one to have to leave. Finally, after about 5-10 minutes, another classmate entered the area. OK, the Loud Phone Caller will realize there are now two of us hearing his drama and he will take his phone outside. Again, I was wrong.

Much to my amazement, this other person started making a phone call on his cell phone, and he put it on speaker phone! Had he done it after listening to the first caller's conversation, I might have believed he was making a point, but no. He sat down and immediately connected to his call on speaker phone so he could set up his computer.

HELLO!! Common courtesy people!! Let's show some respect for each other. Unless you are a celebrity, most people do not want to hear about your private life, nor do they wish to hear you exclaim obscenities. Also, as we are repeatedly reminded of, the area in which we live contains a very small law community. Our professional reputation really does start the day we enter law school. How do you want to be remembered when you are facing a former classmate across a negotiation table, or a courtroom, or a hiring partner's desk? Think about it, and take your phone calls outside.

The L Word - Now THAT'S Entertainment!

Does television entertainment get any better than The L Word? I think not. Last night was filled with classic L-Word goodness. I am sure there was a smile on my face just about the whole time. Papi – you are NO competition to Shane. Sorry, Babe. What a wonderful scene when Shane says – I didn’t know we were in competition, but you win, and gives her a killer smile and says it was nice to meet her. She is totally clueless as to who Papi is, and why should she care? She doesn't even recognize her own greatness or reputation. It's nothing to her. Alice – going after the older woman. Too fun! Anyone else notice Alice's new catch phrase "Really?" As in "Really, Papi, really?" She said it at least twice in last night's episode. Seems to be vying for a place next to Grey's Anatomy's "Seriously?" Alice does deliver the phrase nicely, the perfect blend of condescension and admiration. Bette’s TA – what a tramp! Could she look more like a slut? Is it any wonder that Bette showed no interest? (Well, right up until she decided to do her - mostly to shut her up, I think.) Also, how cute is Shane taking care of her little brother? Ah, I do love Sunday nights now.

On to other things:

So, as many of you know, the longed for snow arrived. For lots of fun pictures, see my partners blog. School was canceled two out of four days last week, so it was a slow ease back into the routine. This week will be my first full week back. Mixed emotions on this one. I think the classes are going to be fun (Well - still undecided about administrative law - which is how federal agencies are governed, run, where they get their power and such - could be really boring - but I think the prof. will do a decent job of making it as interesting as possible.), but I will miss the family. The kids and I will go four days and nights without seeing each other, unless the family comes to work to visit me for lunch. Seems like a long time.

This past weekend was spent getting my partner new glasses and entertaining the kids at the Lego Store. It was actually quite fun. Gotta love Legos, and both kids LOVED buying them by the piece. You can fill up a small container for $6.95. If you are super good during lunch, you get to go back and do it again!(Way to go, Son!) Little Girl likes the small Legos if a car is built out of them. She also got a Duplo Zoo pack so she could play with the animals. Duplos are the big Legos for little hands. Toys have to be one of the lesser talked about benefits of parenthood :)