Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Day 3 - My First Love

I do not even know where to go with this topic. My first love? Pizza, chocolate, San Juan Islands? My mom, my dad, playing imagination games? I suppose the idea was to discuss my first romantic love. OK. I will start by noting that it is funny how our ideas about love and how we define it changes as we mature. What seemed like the great love of my life in high school certainly cannot compare with the relationship I am in now, but then, I am not the same person as I was back then. I guess my first love was my high school boyfriend, Chuck. He was a sweet boy; smart, polite, a bit of a computer geek. He brought me a rose at school almost every day that his mother's rose bushes would allow. He was a year younger than me, but we met through Honor Society, and mutual friends. We went together most of my junior and senior years. I did break up with him at one point, looking for more adventure, and finding it in somewhat of a bad boy (though not really) with a loud car, who happened to be dating my best friend. (Still sorry about that, Nikk.) I bounced back and forth between the two for a couple years - the end of high school and through my first year of college. I finally accepted Chuck's marriage proposal, and was engaged for about two years (?) before going to Alaska for a summer fish-processing job. It was there I realized I was a lesbian, and ended up having to end the engagement, breaking the heart of a very sweet guy.

It is only recently that I realize how much I learned about relationships from Chuck. We sort of fell into a very close relationship easily....spending all our time together, talking with each other, doing things we both enjoyed together. He was always very considerate, raised by a strong woman who taught him that women can do anything and so can men - including cooking and sewing, so stereo-typical gender roles were not a big issue for us. He was romantic - as I said, bringing me flowers, writing little notes, taking me to the school dances, holding my hand in the halls, not flirting with other girls, not playing macho games, showing me his sensitive side, remembering my birthday and other holidays....not some of the typical high school boy behavior. I think in some ways, I learned how to treat women by being with him. I suspect we both learned so much from each other. We did not fight. There was little or no drama. We had a respectful relationship, and when it ended, well, there was little to say. I couldn't help that I wanted to be with women, and he couldn't help that he was a man. We parted friends, and stayed in touch throughout college. I last saw him at our 20-year HS reunion. He came to his brother's reunion because most of his friends graduated our year rather than his year. We sometimes email and are friends on Facebook. I really could not have had a better high school boyfriend. It is really probably only such a balanced, accepting guy that I would have stayed with, given what I later realized about my own sexuality. If I had been with someone pulling macho BS games, or who expected me to be different than I was (always was a tomboy), I would have dumped him quickly. Thanks, Chuck!

1 comment:

Lynilu said...

We learn lessons from everyone we encounter in our lives. I think the lucky ones are like you, those who recognize it and value it. Cool story.