I was thinking this morning about how law school has changed my relationship with my extended family. When we moved to this area, we had hopes that our children would be raised as close friends with my niece's children. We all live relatively close by, had enjoyed each other's company on our visits to see my Mom, and it just made sense. We thought we would become close with my sisters. None of that has happened. I was wondering what did happen. Was it law school? Was it something about our children or how we are raising them? Is is us personally? I suppose it is probably a combination of things, but this morning, I spent some time thinking specifically what law school might have had to do with it.
Due to my schedule, we stopped going to family "wine nights," generally held every Friday night. (In all fairness, I think those dropped off a bit in regularity, but still...) We chose not to attend a family gathering, or two, or three, or more, because of my schedule. When you only get two free days per week, and one of those is spent studying, well, there just is not much time to socialize. We've not gone out of our way to be social. Mostly just casual invitations like, "Hey - when you are in our area, give us a call," or "let's get together for dinner on a Saturday night," Saturday being our main free night. When we do get together with family, we generally focus on keeping our kids out of the breakables of non-kid-friendly homes, which does not lead to sustained conversations.
Those things are enough I suppose, to create some distance. Then, I wonder, are there other things related to law school? I don't engage people in political debates or talk about law stuff, but do I come across as arrogant? Is there some kind of strange social hierarchy thing happening that I am not even aware of....or a jealousy thing? I am the youngest sibling by far; the one who was given everything and spoiled by parents who had by the time I came around achieved a certain amount of success and stability. Is there an extension - oh, now she gets to go to law school? Hey, for a mere four years of your life and $150K, you too can go to law school!
As I write this, I suspect law school is only a part of the larger family dynamics. We are not of either my niece's (and nephews, who now also live close and have children of their own) nor my sister's generations. We are in between both. We have probably not always played the family games according to the rules. Our children rarely see family and when they do, are not content to be seen and not heard, and we've not raised them to be that way, either. Yes....I guess there is probably a lot going on that is way more complicated to look at than the Clean Water Act or the Rules of Civil Procedure. Sometimes, it is easier to stay out of the muddy water. Maybe it is my hesitancy to stir up that water that keeps us at a distance, but, hey, you never know where the 'gators are lurking.
4 comments:
I hope once law school is over with you can get some family dynamics back. I seem to have slipped away from closeness with my sisters too and I don't know why. It makes me sad........
Maybe it is often part of the cycle of life as we form our own families and lives. Some families grow together, some apart, and maybe some flux with times.
Perhaps, as Patti says, it can rekindle at a later date, but remember that tradition changes with the times, too. Maybe a different kind of connection will surface when you once again are the owner of your time. Good luck. :)
I think its because we are so busy with our lives......I understand with you only home a couple days a weeks you want to spend your time with your family....and I don't blame you.....hang in there, your family should understand and if they don't then shame on them!!!!
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